Pronunciation: FEE-lingz
Simple meaning
Feelings are emotional experiences.
They may include fear, anger, sadness, guilt, shame, joy, peace, loneliness, hope, resentment, grief, relief, or love.
In recovery, feelings matter. They are part of being human. But feelings are not always reliable guides for truth, decisions, or action.
Older meaning
The word feeling can refer to physical sensation, emotional experience, awareness, sympathy, or inward impression.
That matters in recovery because a person may feel something strongly and assume it must be true.
But strong feeling is not the same as clear truth.
A feeling may point toward something that needs attention. It may also be distorted by fear, shame, resentment, exhaustion, pride, self-pity, or old habits of thinking.
Why this word matters
Feelings matter because many people come into recovery with confused, buried, exaggerated, or painful emotional lives.
Some people drank to escape feelings.
Some drank to create feelings.
Some drank because they did not know what to do with fear, shame, resentment, guilt, loneliness, anger, or emptiness.
In recovery, feelings may return strongly. That can be uncomfortable.
A person may feel things they avoided for years.
But recovery does not ask a person to deny feelings. It also does not ask a person to obey every feeling.
A feeling can be noticed, named, prayed about, discussed, and examined without being put in charge.
Feelings and truth
Feelings are real experiences, but they are not always reliable guides for action.
A person may feel afraid when they need to tell the truth.
A person may feel ashamed when they are not hopeless.
A person may feel angry when they need to look at their own part.
A person may feel certain while still being mistaken.
A person may feel peaceful and still need to make amends.
This does not mean feelings are useless.
It means feelings need to be tested against truth, honesty, inventory, prayer, guidance, and conduct.
Feelings and action
A common recovery mistake is making decisions only from feelings.
A person may feel hurt and decide to isolate.
They may feel angry and decide to attack.
They may feel ashamed and decide to hide.
They may feel afraid and decide to avoid action.
They may feel inspired and decide to rush ahead without guidance.
Recovery invites a different way.
Pause.
Pray.
Tell the truth.
Ask for guidance.
Talk to a trusted person.
Look at motives.
Take the next right action.
Feelings can be acknowledged without being obeyed.
Feelings and inventory
Inventory helps sort feelings from facts.
A resentment may begin as a feeling. Fear may be felt in the body. Shame may feel overwhelming. Guilt may feel heavy. Anger may feel justified.
But inventory asks more careful questions:
What happened?
What did I feel?
What did I want?
What was I afraid of?
Where was I selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or afraid?
What was my part?
Where was I harmed?
Where did I cause harm?
What needs to be faced?
Inventory does not erase feelings. It gives them a place where truth can be examined.
Feelings and shame
Shame is one of the feelings that can be especially dangerous in recovery.
Shame may say:
I am worthless.
I am beyond help.
I do not deserve recovery.
God could not want me.
People would reject me if they really knew me.
Those feelings may be powerful, but they are not the same as truth.
A person may need to face guilt, harm, dishonesty, or responsibility. But shame often adds a lie about the whole person.
Recovery needs truth. It does not need self-hatred.
Feelings and fear
Fear is another feeling that needs careful handling.
Sometimes fear is a warning. It may point to danger, risk, or something that needs attention.
But fear can also exaggerate, distort, and control.
Fear may keep a person from honesty, prayer, amends, service, or asking for help.
A person does not have to wait until fear disappears before taking spiritual action.
Courage in recovery often means doing the right thing while still feeling afraid.
Common misunderstanding
A common misunderstanding is to think recovery means feelings should go away.
That is not true.
Recovery may make feelings clearer, not smaller. A person may begin to feel grief, remorse, love, fear, joy, and hope more honestly.
Another misunderstanding is to think every feeling deserves immediate action.
Not every feeling is a command.
Some feelings need to be felt, prayed through, written about, talked over, or allowed to pass.
The goal is not emotional numbness.
The goal is honest living.
Study note
This website works best with a copy of the Big Book in your hand.
As you read, notice where the Big Book talks about fear, resentment, selfishness, shame, guilt, anger, relief, peace, and usefulness.
Also notice that the Big Book does not stop with feelings. It repeatedly points toward action: inventory, admission, amends, prayer, meditation, guidance, service, and helping others.
Feelings matter.
But recovery asks what is true, what is honest, and what action is needed.
Big Book study references
Look for this word or idea near pages 64–68, 73–75, 83–88, and 125.
Page references are to the printed Fourth Edition of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Related words
truth
fear
shame
guilt
conscience
inventory
action
honesty
responsibility
resentment
humility
prayer
meditation
guidance
usefulness