Pronunciation: uh-MENDZ
Simple meaning
Amends means actions taken to repair harm, correct a wrong, or make things right where possible.
Today, people often think of amends as simply saying “I’m sorry.” In Big Book study, the word usually means more than an apology. It points toward responsibility, repair, changed behavior, and willingness to set right what can be set right.
Older meaning
Older dictionary definitions often connect amends with compensation, reparation, satisfaction, or correction for an injury, loss, or wrong.
That older meaning matters because amends is not only about feeling bad. It is also not only about explaining oneself. It points toward doing what can reasonably be done to repair harm.
Why this word matters
In Big Book reading, “amends” is an important word because recovery is not only inward.
A person may become honest about the past. They may see resentment, fear, selfishness, dishonesty, and harm more clearly. But amends moves the process toward repair where repair is possible.
Amends may include apology, but apology alone may not be the whole matter. Sometimes amends involves repayment. Sometimes it involves changed conduct. Sometimes it involves telling the truth. Sometimes it involves leaving someone alone when contact would cause more harm.
That is why the word needs careful study. Amends is not a spiritual performance. It is not a way to force forgiveness. It is not a way to make another person respond the way we want. It is connected with responsibility, honesty, willingness, and repair.
Common misunderstanding
A common misunderstanding is to think amends means only saying “I’m sorry.”
Another misunderstanding is to think amends means rushing to contact everyone immediately.
In Big Book study, amends is more careful than that. The word points toward making things right where possible, while also considering whether direct action would injure someone further.
A useful question is:
Is this amends about repairing harm, or is it mainly about relieving my own discomfort?
Helpful meeting handle
A common recovery idea is that amends means “changed behavior.”
That can be a useful handle, especially when words alone would not repair the harm. Changed behavior can show that the person is no longer living in the same old pattern.
But changed behavior does not always replace direct amends. In some situations, both may matter. The study question is what kind of repair is actually called for.
Study note
This website works best with a copy of the Big Book in your hand. Look for the word “amends” in the first 164 pages and nearby discussion. Notice whether the surrounding passage is talking about apology, repair, restitution, willingness, harm, timing, or changed conduct.
Related words
restitution
harm
honesty
humility
inventory