Pronunciation: ree-LY-uns
Simple meaning
Reliance means trust, dependence, or leaning on someone or something for help, support, direction, or strength.
Today, people may hear reliance and think of dependence in a negative way. In Big Book study, the word is important because it points to where a person places trust and where they look for power.
Older meaning
Older dictionary definitions often describe reliance as trust, confidence, dependence, or resting on something for support.
That older meaning matters because reliance is not only an idea. It is practical. A person’s reliance often becomes visible in what they do when fear, temptation, resentment, confusion, or pressure shows up.
Why this word matters
In Big Book reading, “reliance” matters because alcoholism is often connected with failed self-reliance.
A person may have tried willpower, promises, memory, consequences, fear, shame, intelligence, and self-knowledge. Those things may help in some areas of life, but they may not be enough to solve the alcohol problem described in the Big Book.
Reliance asks an important question:
What am I depending on?
A person may rely on self-will, control, people-pleasing, anger, avoidance, money, reputation, another person, or their own understanding. Recovery begins to change that reliance.
In Big Book study, reliance is closely connected with God, faith, surrender, prayer, willingness, and action.
Common misunderstanding
A common misunderstanding is to think reliance means helpless passivity.
In Big Book study, reliance does not mean doing nothing. It means depending on the right source of help while taking honest action.
Another misunderstanding is to think self-reliance is always bad. Many ordinary responsibilities require effort, discipline, and action. The problem comes when a person relies only on self-will in a place where self-will has repeatedly failed.
A useful question is:
When I am afraid, resentful, tempted, or confused, what do I actually rely on?
Helpful meeting handle
A common recovery idea is that self-reliance failed.
That can be a useful handle because it points to the limit of unaided willpower. It reminds a person that recovery may require help beyond private determination.
But the phrase should not be misunderstood as an excuse to stop taking action. Reliance in Big Book study is connected with action: honesty, prayer, inventory, amends, service, and willingness.
Study note
This website works best with a copy of the Big Book in your hand. Look for the word “reliance” and related ideas in the first 164 pages and nearby discussion. Notice whether the surrounding passage is talking about God, self-will, faith, surrender, prayer, fear, or action.